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Y Y Y
June 22, 2008
Sunday
Hajimemashite! Watashi wa Taylan, Danni Ann R. desu! Dozo yoroshiku onegaishimasu!
Danni at home:
Danni is merely an alternative for different nicknames, but all pertaining to one individual.
My older sisters address me as "Shobe"; my little brother calls me, "Mashia" (or something like that. I'm not sure about the spelling), and my parents call me "Jaja, Shobe, Mashia, Danni [Ann] or Sanse" -- whichever they preferred saying; it doesn't really matter.
My sisters:
I am branded as a "weirdo (OT)" courtesy of my fun-loving sisters. Why? They say it's because I have "my own" world, and I'm often spaced-out. Honestly, when I was kid, I was unaware of this. Well, not really "unaware". I think it's more appropriate to say that I don't understand what they meant. I would often yell-cry whenever, wherever they teased me. I would mumble between my breaths, "Just leave me alone."
But now as I'm writing this, I smile, realizing that it's true. I do have my own world. A world no one can see or touch. The world is imperceptible and indefinable, a hidden paradise concealing deep within a human's soul. A world exclusive only for this girl...only for me.
If having this "own world" would mean being "weird", then it's fine; I don't care. I'll gladly accept the stereotyping, the label.
My sisters, Ann Michelle and Ann Millaine, are good to me. It's not a "were", but an "are". They love me, not because mom or dad required them to, but because they just do. No concrete definition. I feel so stupid; I'm only realizing this now. Don't get me wrong; they'd glomp on me, for like, thousand times declaring, "I LOVE YOU SHOBE!" followed by myriad kisses. But those words, I love you Shobe, would enter my right ear and exit through the left.
Both of my sisters are married. One is living in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, while the other is in Laguna, Philippines.
I miss them. I really do. Yet I never told them (I don't want any drama. Besides, not all feelings are ought to be expressed, I believe).
I miss the way they'd glomp on me; I miss all their teasing; I miss the way I'd get angry at them; I miss the way they'd spank and yell at me; I miss my "homework helpers"; I miss their voices; I miss their smiles; I miss their presence annoying the living hell out of me; I miss their arrogance-- they'd often say, "I'm so pretty!"(which is true. But of course I wouldn't admit that to them); I miss everything they do.
A lot of things happened in my life, so much that 3/4 of my life events were buried deep within my own graveyard. Buried and forgotten. Now, as I try to dig and revive those forgotten memories, I realized that I'd spent almost my entire life with my sisters. Almost my entire life, and almost never at the same time. When someone from your family leaves, you'd feel like the time you had spent together is so short, even though you'd been with her for the past 12 to 13 years. I think it's the real and perpetual power of nostalgia.
My little brother:
In the face of candor, I find him annoying. Always and forever. And I'm sure that deep within Emmanuel John's tiny little heart, he hates his Mashia as well.
It was 5 years ago, and I cursed a certain, sunny day. The day when my mother said, "I think I'm pregnant."
It was funny. I mean the word she used. Think? It's like she's guessing and confirming the news simultaneously. Anyways, it was true. And I despised it. I despised it so much that the word 'hate/despise' weren't good enough to suffice this intense anger and hatred.
I loved being the youngest. I'm sure every child does. I always wanted to be the cradle of attention. I always wanted to be considered the "cutest" one. Somewhat, there's something in the title "The Youngest One" that made me run after it.
Then he came. Emmanuel John R. Taylan was brought into existence. My mom tried her best to convince me saying, "He's your little brother. Don't worry. Things between us and your father won't change. We love you so much!" then a kiss.
But sadly, it would take more than kisses and reassurance. As I watched my brother grow, our relationship has gotten worse. I hate him; he hates me. My mother would often scowled me and yell, "My God! You're 10 years older! You should be more understanding!"
I know. And I'm sorry. However, I just want to be fair. I'm still a child at heart. My brother is disrepecting me, so I'll disrespect him. I'm only returning the favors he's been giving me. Like they say, an eye for an eye. Anyhow, he treats me like a stranger. Not an OLDER sister, not a sibling, but a stranger. He's so irritating-- his smile, the way he moves, talks-- everything! I burn whenever he's around and bugging me. I burn just like the sun before it dies in an explosion of intense fire and heat.
Okay. I don't want to waste my time bashing on my brother. I have to give him credits too. He's sweet and obedient (though naughty). I remembered the day when I came home from school. My head hurts. I feel like it's being pierced by hundreds of needles. I lied down at our comfy bed and mid-sleep when I felt my brother sneakily taking off my socks. I heard my mother asking him to take it off so I'd feel a little "cooler". I pretended to sleep, when in fact, I'm completely aware of what they were doing. I thanked my brother. I really did. Although the thought came from my mother, he still did a lot of effort in taking of my socks without "waking" me up.
I admit; the times I hated my brother are more than the times I loved my brother. But even though I "hate" him, I'm still (somehow) grateful to have him in my life. I'm always whining about his egostic attitude; however, I'm sure that I'd be the first one to explode in tears when he's gone. Not my parents or sisters. But me.
Don't ask me why, because I don't know myself.
My parents:
No one can surpass my parents' love for me. I know it; it's proven.
Daddy- He's not here living here with us. He's in some far of country working in some far of company to earn some far of money so we'll have something to buy our far of needs. I remembered when I was little, I used to claim (for some weird reason that I couldn't remember) he was not my father, that I had a different dad. I would address him, "Hey! You're Ate's and Dichi's daddy!"
Time flied so fast like a speeding jet, and soon, I learned to learn that he is, indeed, my real father. And I even cried an ocean when he's about to leave (once again) for his work. Like I said, he's working in some far of country to earn some far of money for us. He only comes back every December (2nd week) and leave on February (1st week).
When I was a kid, I was ferociously scared of my mother. She would hit me on the butt using a large and "crispy" black belt whenever I did something bad. And my mom never spoiled me. Or if she did, the spoilage was nothing compared to my dad's.
I was a spoiled brat. My dad would often buy me...like, anything I'd set my heart into. Just one point by my tiny index finger, and the next second, we'd be at the cashier. Just like that. No explanation needed (unlike my mom). I was Daddy's Little Princess. Note: WAS. I soon became Daddy's simple "daughter" since my little brother came, a.k.a. Daddy's new Little Prince.
Not that I felt so bad about it. Or maybe I did, but I couldn't remember. Many of my memories and emotions were bleak to me as I'm narrating this, and I'm not in the position right now, or perhaps forever, to dig them all out. Anyways, everyone had their chance. I had my chance as Daddy's Little Princess. Now, it's the Little Prince's turn. The only thing left to do's try to be Mommy's Little Princess.
Anyways, looking at it today, I don't feel bad for losing my royalty. Why? I figured that it's because I love my dad, and maybe I had grown...mature? Okay. Not sure about the mature part. So erase it.
Mommy- If there's anyone living in this revolving ball of gas called Earth I had hurt the most, then it'll be my mother. Not anyone, not even myself. The times my mother had scowlded me for being this and that is uncountable. She's a nagger. And sometimes, to be frank, my head likes to explode like Big Bang whenever she stands in front of me, with her hips positioned in a conceited way, arms crossed, and then the yelling about the stupid mistake I had made starts. She's doing the usual hobby of mothers: get angry at their daughters and starts yapping endlessly about the mistake commited, then the "homily" would jump into other topics like poverty and education until it just goes around in circles like a merry-go-round.
However, don't get me wrong; my mother's not a bitch for being such a nagger. She. Loves. Me. Entirely, flawlessy, purely and unconditionally. She really does. If she hadn't, I wouldn't be sitting in this black and comfy computer chair writing this realization. If she hadn't, I wouldn't be alive right now. Or if I was, I'd be in some far, far and far away land; in addition, my personality would have changed. I'd be more studious, more hard-working, and more dreamy to go to big places and have a sweet, rich boyfriend who would sweep me off my feet instead of clinging into my unearthly fantasies about anime guys as I am today.
Anyways, going back to my mom, I was scared of her when I was kid. But now, I have to admit that I'm a lot closer to her. As for the crispy belt, she stopped hitting me when I reached my intermediate grade. I hated her ten times. I said something bad to her hundred times. I lied to her thousand times. And I had hurt her millions of times with the others combined. Reading this now, I'm sure you wanted to bash on me for being such a bad daughter. However, my mother never claimed me as a bad daughter. Instead, she always say, "Ang galing-galing naman talaga ni Shobe!" ("Shobe truly is wonderful!") Although until now, I couldn't possibly find the building components of me being "wonderful". But despite of everything I had done, good or bad (but mostly bad), my mother is...proud and happy. It's pretty paradoxical actually. My mother and I have totally different point of views about Danni Ann Recalde Taylan. I think Danni as a petty person who can never achieve anything great, while my mom's heart is full of bright and colorful dreams for me, for her wonderful daughter.
Danni at school:
School is a place wherein freedom is limited. It's a place wherein you have to do everything the "officials" would command you to do. It's a place wherein you should be grateful for being there, feel blessed because you're being taught of meaningful things, and, of course, making you suffer simultaneously. So it's like a piece of heaven and hell.
Actually, I'm the type of girl who's indifferent. Fine. Send me to school; I don't care. It's better than burning money. In fact, I love school. I love it because it has the potential to be be fun. And it's the only place where I can meet my precious friends, so I just HAVE to be there. Besides, my school is giving out those without-effort-looking orange cards made out of cardboard folder. They call it "Academic Excellence Merit". The merit cards are given out to the students every semester (end part). But not to all. Your grades for that quarter, when averaged, should be 88 and above. I was one of the students who was able to attain those merits every semester. And I'm happy, not because it means I'm actually worth something, but because my mom and dad were so happy whenever I give them those cards. I can only repay all their sufferings through it. Pathetic, huh? But sorry. It's the only thing I can do.
Anyways, I don't entirely love school. There are things, for sure, that I hate about it. And here they are:
a.) Waking up early. I'm not a morning person. I always find it hard to wake up early in the morning, breaking my beautiful dreams, and knowing that another rough day will replace it.
b.) MATHEMATICS. Seriously. I don't get the logic of studying Geometry/Algebra/Calculus/Trigonometry. I mean...hello! What's the sole purpose of having calculators? Besides, when we grow up, not all jobs will require complex Math. When I get to be a writer, my editor won't ask me, "Hey you! I'll only edit your works if your 3rd year Geometry grade was 88 and above!" Or like when I became an accountant, "Hey you! You suck at Algebra so get out of here!" No right? Only few people are genuinely interested to learn these fields. So why can't they just build an exclusive school for those genuines? Oh I know the reason now! It's because not even 1/4 of the population will join. The money spent for the school will eventually end up in vain. Tsk, tsk, tsk. How drastic.
That's mostly it. I'm not picky when it comes to school. I want nice teachers and friends. I don't care much about the facilities. I can adjust. Well of course, worms crawling in lunch trays would be a different story. Lol!
Danni as a friend:
I could never imagine life without friends. My friends are one of the best evidences I know that God somehow cares for me, aside from my family. They are my inspiration at school, and my number one basis for liking school.
Words will never be enough to express how thankful I am for my dozens of friends. Seriously! Although we're different from each other, all of us are the same in one aspect: CRAZY. All of us are crazy. And our craziness, ironically, keeps us all close to each other.
I spent my Prep to Grade 3 life at my former Alma Mater, Sister's of Mary Immaculate School. I learned a lot of things there, not from my teachers, but mostly from my friends. Five girls made the most impact on me:
Alyanna- My ultimate best friend forever. Or at least that what's I thought when we're still studying at the same school. Eventually, and again due to my brother, my family and I needed to migrate from Laguna to Manila. My mom was pregnant, and she needed to be close to her school as much as possible. Then we left, with me leaving everything behind, even most of my memories. I miss Alyanna. I really do. But I have to admit: it's my laziness that's keeping us apart. And hers. I once talked to her on the phone when I was in Grade 4. By then, I was in my new school. We chatted. Then something painful struck me: we're in different worlds now. She had a new best friend, and I couldn't relate to the things she were saying. Tralalala. There goes our 4 years of friendship. It sank down to the bottom of the ocean, with no possible way to retrieve it. It's sad. But now, I made a lot of friends. Another realization came to me: I haven't forgotten her in spite of the drowned frienship; if it had, I wouldn't write this essay about Alyanna Orlain. I remember her up until now, and up until forever.
Mia- Mia was my best friend and my best rival. We envied each other. However, the more we tried to beat each other, the more it kept our friendship alive and wonderful. It's paradoxical! It's funny! Don't misinterpret; we never backstabbed each other, unlike some "true" best friends. There were times, I have to admit, that we hated each other. I even made her cry! But when I told my Grade 3 classmates that I was leaving, she was one of those who cried the most, and fussed about it. She gave me lots of remembrances like stickers and stationaries. Actually, we used to brag and fight a lot about stickers and stationaries. We would boast to each other how our stuffs were better than the other. Writing this brings me penetrating nostalgia. Awww! Now I wanted to go back in Laguna!
Nicole-
At first, I thought she was my weirdest bus-mate. She looked like a monkey because of her features. She's baboonish, especially the long hairs on her arms and legs. But when I reached Grade 1, or 2, I couldn't recall, we were classmates. Then everything changed. We always hung out together with Alyanna and my other friends (and so as her other friends). Although there were times that I was in bread and butter situation (she and Alyanna would often fight), things turned out, like it was written in destiny's script, to be smooth and okay. Anyways, Nicole was one of my most loyal friends. I still remember the time when we were playing in the playground. My foot got stuck with one of the swings. I cried; it's so painful. I couldn't get it out because first, the swing was too huge and second, it's too tight because of the muddy ground. Nicole stuck by my side, trying her best to push the swing a little higher to have a little space so it wouldn't be too tight and painful for my foot. Eventually, with the help of my classmates and friends, my foot was "retrieved". They did it because of teamwork, and the amazing thing, without the guidance of a teacher. It's so nice how wonderful things and deeds kids could create with teamwork; I couldn't be any more grateful during that moment.
Sonette- She taught me how to be a bully. Lol. Before I transferred to my current Alma Mater, St. Scholastica's College, which was an all girls school, I study at a hetero-school. Sonette was one of the toughest and feared girls back then. She bullied everyone, even boys. She hung out with meanest boys. I didn't know how we became friends, but we just did. One time, there was a boy named uhh... I forgot! His name starts with a C. Anyways, I'll just call him by that. C was a boy I was annoyed with. He's such a big wimp for a boy! Seriously! Sonette once bullied him, and the scene made me laugh. My bully friend, seeing this, asked me to kick him. Instinctively, I did. Then that was the time when the bullying session started. I was a bully for a year. Well, only to that C boy. There was something in him that irritated me so much. When I was little, I thought bullying him with Sonette was so fun! But now, as I'm reflecting, it was a pretty mean and bitchy thing to do. So C, wherever you are, if you're still breathing, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. Actually, during that time I did. But we were kids! Innocent and naive!
Aina- I never got to know the real Aina until the last few months of my stay in SMIS. For me, Aina Jennelyn De Leon was simply a genius who always gets a 100% in every test. She was the smartest girl in my grade, and one of the most popular as well. We were an acquaintance. We spoke to each other for school purposes. The surprising thing was, when I announced that I'm leaving, she walked up to me and, for my remaining days in my school, she started to give me dozens of letters and drawings. Usually the drawings would be about 2 girls holding each others hand, or just a girl with short ebony hair who's crying. Then on her last letter, it said:
Dear Danni Ann,
Alam mo sa totoo lang, ikaw ang isa sa mga taong hinahangaan ko. Madami ka kasing mga kaibigan, tapos ang cute-cute mo pa! Sa totoo lang, ngayong aalis ka na, sobrang lungkot ko kasi ikaw yung tinuturing kong pinaka-best friend kahit ngayon lang tayo talaga nag-uusap. Mabait ka kasi. Tsaka isa pa, sina Jenna at Nadine, yung mga akala kong best friends ko, binack-stab ako. Wala silang kwenta!
From,
Aina
P.S: Pagdating mo sa Manila, tawag ka ah. Or sulat ka ng letter. Sabi ni mama malayo daw Manila eh. Mamimiss kita! I love you!
Her letter was actually longer than that, but I shared was what I remembered.
Anyways, the girls I mentioned above was my friends before. Drastically, I lost communication with them. I already know that I'm pathetic and I suck.
Currently, I'm studying at a new Alma Mater, St. Scholastica's College. It's an exclusive school for girls. I had made a lot of friends there, thankfully. And I treasure each of them. Just like what I did to my old friends, but I figured out that it'll take me FOREVER, seriously. They're too many (not to brag), and this tiny space isn't enough. Besides, it'll give me a hard time to find the right words that will compliment them, because to be frank, my friends right now are undescribable. Too precious that even words drown.
My beloved friends:
Kriska Javier, Stephanie Nash, Ana Garcia, Arianna Ybanez, Abigail Cadag, Lindsay Yap, Regina Taguibao, Kim Taruc, Nicole Pineda, Ameia Roxas, Regina Chavez, Cielo Lomibao, Therese Lopez, Kazumi Shiroma, Abigail Daganio, Althea Illustrisimo, Mynah Maglonzo and Alzea Alea.
ARIGATO GOZAIMASU, MINNA-CHAN! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
Okay now I wanted to cry. I'm not exactly the "perfect" and "divine" friend. I had hurt them a few-hundred times. And the ways I had used to hurt them was so malevolent that I couldn't even bear to write it down. It was so heartrending for them...and I couldn't believe that I was that petty ill will of a person to had done it.
And words of forgiveness are not enough for my acts to be forgiven...
Danni as a person:
Physical:
With long, straight ebony hair, deep mahogany eyes, and tan skin, I'm an Asian girl, particulary a Filipina. I used to live in Laguna, but if you had been a obstinate reader who persistently read my long rambling, you would know that we moved to Manila due to my mother's pregnancy. I'm pretty slim and utterly short. I'm only 148 centimeters! My ebony hair flows down approximately 3 inches below my shoulders. Like my bangs, my hair is also layered. My signature look is my beautiful eyes. Well actually, it's my eyelashes that are beautiful, not my eyes itself, because they are long and curly. A lot of people in my school compliment me for it.
Personalities, likes and dislikes:
+ I'm a happy-go-lucky and friendly person. People easily talk or approach me.
+ I am intelligent, though there are times that I act stupid.
+ Using my wisdom, I am obedient and follows what I think is right.
+ I am funny (so as my friends would often say), and I'm helpful to people who I think deserve it.
+ I don't care if someone says something bad to me; nevertheless, say something bad to the people I love, then you'll get twice the insult.
+ I'm a Literature type of person. I love to write. Writing is my art, not my talent.
+ The only sports I enjoy are Chess and Swimming.
+ I love playing Detective, Spy and Magician. I even have different set of kits for each.
+ I'm a "Computer-holic". I can sit at the computer for 8 straight hours.
+ I love to smile.
+ I LOVE ANIME. Always and forever. When I grow up, I wanted to build my own Anime Shop. Hope it'll come true.
+ I used to be very religious. But now, I'm sort of doubting the church because of their inconsistensy. I still believe in God though.
+ I love chocolates and cute, sweet & soft things.
+ I am very fond of puppies and dolphins.
+ I love all baby colors.
+ I am interested in learning Japanese. It's a common thing for an anime guru like me.
+ I love logic games, although sometimes I wanted to bash them.
+ I'm cheerful and optimistic. My classmates account for that. Go ask them.
+ I'm creative in my own little and weird ways.
+ My hobbies would include surfing the net, writing, singing, watching anime dvds, studying, reading, reflecting and practicing my magician, spy and detective skills.
+ I'm the only Danni Ann R. Taylan in the world. Nothing can replace me, even a cloned version of me. No matter which side you look at it, a copy is still a copy.
- I can be flirty and lazy when I feel like it.
- I lack self-confidence (I'm proving dot by dot, miraculously).
- I don't often cry in terms of my emotional pain. However, physically, yes.
- I'm not afraid of death. What I'm afraid of is pain.
- I'm a bitch to bitchier people.
- I'm impatient and I easily get jealous.
- I'm 45% apathetic.
- I suck at sports.
- I'm a liar. Lying has been my bad habit in drastic measures.
- I hate dramas. Not as in the artistic and literary type of drama, but the bitchy type of drama. Hope you know what I mean.
- I don't have any talents, or if I have, I don't know what it is.
- It irritates me to see other people cry. I want them to be always happy.
- I don't want to be addressed as "dude". Think of a better alternative other than that...or else I'll kick you!
- I think lowly of myself. I rarely praise myself.
- My greatest fears are pain and all the animal that CRAWLS especially WORMS. Except for snakes...I love them.
- I dislike people who pretend that they're someone else. I mean, why do you have to wear a mask?
- I also dislike people who are so damn disrespectful, irresponsible, disorganized, flirty/sluts, unkind and uncontrollable.
- I HATE THE PUBLIC who only accepts "beautiful" girls. Plus, they don't even know the difference of the words "beautiful" and "pretty". I hate the pop culture, for giving beauty a meaning. They say you must be white, straight, blonde to be (ahem) "beautiful". But what about if you're black/tan, curly and black? Some people may not be pretty, but they're BEAUTIFUL.
- It all boils down to this: I hate people who lost their moralities somewhere in the wilderness. God, and they won't even bother to come back and look for it.
Miscellaneous:
* I'm a proud Libran. I was born under the year of the Rooster (1993). My birthstone is Opal, and my birthstone is Jade.
* I'm an anime guru, always and will forever be. I am loyal to anime. I meant loyal literally. I don't remember myself crushing on a real guy. Oh wait! When I was in Grade 2, I had a crush on a guy named Cedric. And it lasted for 2 days! See what I mean? Whenever I get a crush on an anime guy, it will take me ages to let go of that 'crush'. Unlike in real guys, it will just take me days or even minutes. I don't know why I'm like that. Besides, that Cedric guy was the first and will be the last one I'll ever get a crush on. Yeah! Long live anime guys!
* I am currently head over heels in love with KIKUMARU EIJI and MARUI BUNTA!! Eiji's the acrobatic tennis player from Prince of Tennis's Seishun Gakuen's Tennis Club, Seigaku. He's so KAWAII! I'm crazy over him! Marui, on the other hand, is the "tensai teki" (genius Marui) from Rikkai Daigaku Fuzoku. He's also the "Bubble Gum King", since he always eats bubble gum. He's kawaii too! And don't ever ask me whom I love more! That question is impossible to resolve!
* If I've been turned into an anime, it's most likely Sakura Mikan. Well, that's what my friends say. They say both of us love to smile, always happy, cheerful and very optimistic. They also said that both of us are innocent and naive in some aspects in life....which I don't know what they meant by that. Oh, but there's one difference between me and Mikan-chan. She often cries...and I don't. 
* I spent most of my life following my passion to anime and writing like a lost, love-sick puppy.
* I don't have any guy friends. All of them are girls. So that's why I really appreciate all my guy friends here in the internet. Oh, but when I was still a kid, I have a childhood friend (a guy, my very first friend) but he went to America. And sad to say, we lost touch and communication with each other. I don't even think that he remembers me. But whether he remembers me or not, I still remember him and that's what matters. Oh, and the good memories we shared with each other too. God. If my sisters read this, they'll seriously going to tease me like they used to when I was little. Our neighbors often tease me and my guy friend. His name is Joseph by the way.
* I can never sleep in class. Even though I am super bored or sleepy, I will force my eyes to pop out-open and listen to the teacher even if all my classmates are sleeping. It's just so rude and disrespectful! It will offend the speaker. And I wouldn't want that!
* I'm happy and contented with my current life.
* When we went to Singapore, I was kissed by a pink dolphin in Sentosa! Awww! One of my most memorable moments in my life! They're so sweet! I love dolphins more than ever! I wish I can be a dolphin too, or a mermaid! I love mermaids!
* This is the most important aspect of my life that you should know: I'm the perfect example of imperfectness.
^_^
And with that said, I end all of my rambling.
